Fall 2020 - WTF To Do!
I was going to genuinely say ‘I hope this email finds you well’, but then I recently saw a meme on social media that read ‘your email most certainly doesn’t find me well’. And this, I suppose, is the very reason to reach out. Nonetheless, I am authentically still wondering how you are all doing really?
I have been deep in reading, learning, and living this phase of the pandemic, and whoa is it ever a wild and strange time. Many of you have worked with me and know: I am keen on community. I genuinely love the sentiment ‘in this together’, but increasingly, what I observe, is very separate experiences. It seems we are each facing the pandemic individually, like a unique fingerprint. This depends on many factors like geographic location, employment, physical health, mental health, level of personal risk, family dynamics / circumstances, pre-pandemic resilience, varying levels of diligence and weariness, and So Much More.
Researcher, professor, and writer Brene Brown talks about this phase of the pandemic as the unavoidable ‘day 2’ where we are out of the shock and newness (day 1), but can’t yet see the end of the pandemic in sight (day 3). She talks about how there is no turning back, and it will get rocky and hard before it gets clear and easy. We have arrived in the full fatigue and muck of it all, but there is no clear path out. I feel like we are living in an amorphous goo in the centre of a pandemic ‘sandwich’. We are holding our breath for the next obstacle, and are struggling to get comfortable in our skin. We ask ourselves: will this get harder? What’s around the next bend? Not to mention we are dismantling 400 years of systemic racism and white supremacy, battling the very real effects of climate change, and so much more…. Hold on tight folks, this is quite a moment.
Since I am witnessing the intricacies of our different experiences, I am less likely to have blanket advice for you, my community. I found myself encouraging one patient to consider getting tested and book herself a trip to visit her family in Winnipeg, after enduring the last 6 months in isolation solo with her kids. And later that week, I suggested another patient reconsider an indoor celebration with a multigenerational group of family including elderly folks, newborns, and multiple children at separate schools. In all honesty, no one knows the exact ‘right thing’ to do at a time like this. Even as I draft this message, the rules in my neighbourhood are being updated. I am merely here to reflect to my patients, from an outside empathetic standpoint, and to help them try on different, creative ways to help cope through this wobbly moment, but there is no one answer.
I heard someone say recently: ‘we are all hoping to tick off all the boxes and know if we follow this exact set of rules, we will be safe’. But friends, there is no such list, and this pandemic is changing on a regular basis. This level of uncertainty for this length of time is hugely challenging in my opinion (and according to current research on mental health).
So what can you do?
-Name what you are feeling. It is OK (and expected) to ‘not be ok’, and to not be able to constantly pivot, innovate, change tacks, and be ‘fine’. Of course, there will be easier moments, but let’s all take some time to look in the mirror and ask how we are really doing during some of those tougher moments.
-It is also ok to protect your mental health as carefully as you are looking after your physical health in the current paradigm. This is where individual experiences might dictate your decisions. For example: It might make sense for sanity reasons to keep your mother in your bubble with your small baby, even if your neighbour is not.
-Be cautious with comparison, judgement, criticism, and shame. It is 100% normal for these feelings to come up, but they are not helpful at the best of times, and are downright detrimental at a time like this. Usually these feelings are not about what others are doing, but involve how we are doing internally ourselves, so don’t be afraid to look inside when these feelings pop up.
-Exercise your flexibility muscles. Things are changing frequently including rules in schools, municipalities, friends’ and families’ comfort levels, and more. It can make your head spin, and is unlikely to end right away. This is a real practice in surrender and calm amongst this rollercoaster (or ‘coronacoaster’ as I heard on social media). Practice letting go and surrendering to each new day. (By the way, I am aware this is a tall order.)
-What are you doing to access joy and pleasure? The pandemic has changed the playing field on many favourites for unwinding (oh what I wouldn’t give to sit in a movie theatre, eat popcorn, and watch a new comedy), but there are still ways to carve out play, and fun. It’s about being creative, and this is vital for our stress levels right now. Whatever you do, find some joy.
-Looking after yourselves is paramount, in whatever that looks like sustainably right now. Do not aim for perfection, instead chip away on positive habits to help cope. Is that 5 min of meditation? 7+ hrs of sleep ? 2 litres of water ? Moving your body in fresh air? Nourishing yourself with leafy greens? Start with where you are, and take a step in the direction of self care. It is absolutely a necessity.
-Gosh darn it if you do anything: Take your Vitamin D! 1000IUs for the kiddos and 3000-4000IUs for us big guys. This is so helpful for a resilient immune system, mood, and much more. NB If you haven’t run your Vitamin D blood test in the last year (or ever) let’s talk! You might need a whole lot more to optimize your numbers.
And most importantly let’s be kind to ourselves and others. This is a challenging moment in time. It will not last forever, but it is testing us like no other. Know that I am here for you in any way needed right now. Please reach out for in person or virtual support in all of the above, and of course for your pre-pandemic health concerns. Don’t suffer alone.
In health,
Dr. P